He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
