I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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