there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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