i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
