i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
