Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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