My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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