$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
