Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
