so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
