U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
