I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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