I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just invented taco cereal.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
