Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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