saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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