my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
