This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
