i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
