I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We need to get me chipped asap
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
