Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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