I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Randomize
