He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
