my mouth tastes like poor choices
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
