Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
