I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We need to get me chipped asap
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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