I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
