im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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