Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
