I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
