I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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