Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
