Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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