I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
