My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
