I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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