he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
