I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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