I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
