It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
