who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize