I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
