i don't like sucking hair
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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