Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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