once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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