i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
