trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, beer. Big fan.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize