Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
