I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
