I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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