Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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