Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
