perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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