Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
