That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
