His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
