You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
