How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
