Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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