I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize