I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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