she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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