I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
