nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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