get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
