thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My vagina is officially offended.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
