my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
